Looking At Food

Just when I thought I was starting to make progress on the weight loss… I saw a picture of something that looked tasty and started getting fat again…
What is it about THIS AGE that all I have to do is THINK about food and I can put on weight??? There’s no sense in even eating – why waste the energy? All I have to do is picture it in my head and the pounds just pour on. I can drink water and think about ice cream and you’d think I was eating double churn vanilla the way the weight comes on…I hate getting old…

Dating For The Wise

There’s a HUGE difference in the things old…er… mature people talk about on dates today compared to what we used to talk about when we were young.
Let me explain a little of this to you…
Let’s start with young people and what goes on when they date – we’ll keep our minds out of the gutter here. Youngsters talk about their likes and dislikes (predictable), whether their Facebook rocks, how many times they’ve been on YouTube, how many kids they’d like to have, when they plan to finish school, IF they plan to finish school and what they want to do when/if they graduate, how soon they’re looking at getting married, do they want to have a condo or a house, are animals part of the equation… and on and on. We all know the routine because we’ve all been there - done that. That’s how we got to HERE and how many of our kids got here, too.
All that is SOOOO cute it makes you want to walk over to young couples in love and slap them up side their heads. Hey, I wish someone had done that to ME years ago. Would I have listened?? Who knows?? But I might have… You could tell them what’s going to happen to them, but they won’t listen. They’re in LUUUUUUUV.
Then there’s the dating for the… mature. Call us… The Wise.
This is when it starts to get interesting.
There are a lot of categories for us. Most of us are ‘Divorced.’ There’s a pretty sizeable chunk that are ‘Widowed.’ There are very few of us who are ‘Never Married’ by the time they get to be The Wise. HOW they got to be ‘Never Married’ I have no idea – it seems pretty magical to ME – but maybe they just got lucky and never fell through the traps that got the rest of us. They seem to have the least amount of baggage, but they also qualify everything they say with ‘I’ve never had this experience, but it seems to me…’ Actually, those of you who fall into that category should be out there coaching the rest of us on how to do it!!!
When we of The Wise date we talk about totally different things than when we were young. We actually HAVE kids, so we don’t have to talk about having them – most of us cringe at the thought of having more kids. We have already accomplished much of what we are going to do with our lives, even if it’s not what we planned when we were young and stupid. Marriage??? Do you know how many women now laugh at that idea?? That falls under ‘been there – done that – and don’t want to do it again.’ Are we planning to have a family again?? No. Then what’s the point of killing a relationship or putting constraints on us that come with the expectations of marriage?? Most of us are looking for companions to do things with as we get older, not someone to smother us or put us back into the same problems we had prior to getting divorced. We’re to the point where we are getting the kids out of the nest and are ready to enjoy some of life. Life has changed for all of us and we’re looking for people who want to have life and love without getting back into the constraints that drove us all insane for so many years. Welcome to the world of ‘Dating for The Wise.’

Strippers and Old Guys

See, this is why old people should stay out of strip bars – whatever it takes.
Let me explain. Bear with me… uh, no pun intended.
Okay, guys, you can back me up on this!! First of all, it’s a known fact among men that all men go to strip bars because they keep the beer at a colder temperature than other bars – NOT to ogle women like myth would have you believe. That was a lie created by angry women who jumped to the wrong conclusion when they caught their men in there with a lot of naked women – got unnecessarily and UNFAIRLY jealous because they refused to listen to reason – and has been perpetuated by the media’s inability to set the story straight. Let’s just put that all to rest right now. They keep the beer colder as a community service so we can nurse them longer and drink less. They want to make sure men are more sober when they hit the roads after some time in their bars keeping us ALL safer. ALL bars should be so considerate!!!
Now that we have THAT straight, let’s get down to what I was doing there – not that I should have to explain it to anyone at this point in my life. I’m too old for that stuff.
It was a birthday party for a woman friend of mine. Honest. The party was SUPPOSED to be at her house, but the GIRLS decided it would be fun to go over to the strip bar not far from her house to have the party – because they knew the beers are colder and they would drink less while still being in a great party atmosphere. When I left home I thought I was going to the house, but I got a call when I was almost there and had to divert to the bar. Honest. And, of course, the first thing I did when I got inside the bar was ordered one of those SUPER COLD beers because I know how good they are. I almost got a ‘cold headache’ from it the beer was so cold. Any colder and you’d have to have a spoon to get it out of the bottle. Wonderful.
Now, for those of you who have never been to a strip bar, let me tell you how this one was set up. There were three stages with poles – duh! The girls all took their turns on the stages and when they weren’t on the stages they were down… talking to… the patrons. Darn nice of them to demonstrate how talented they are and then come down and talk to the patrons, too. Some of them should be on the Olympic Pole Dancing Team. And if it’s NOT a sport yet, it SHOULD be. That takes some talent… AND to be able to do it naked and with a lot of people watching deserves AT LEAST a gold medal. Well, SOME of the patrons were watching. You see… there are about a fifty women on the floor at any one time – and I’m talking about the ones who work there. There are also a lot who show up to party – like we were – or to have some of those super cold beers. Word is getting out. Before you know it the strip clubs are going to be overrun by women who want to party and drink the cold beers and men are going to have to start looking for new places to get cold beers.
Now here's why old people should stay out of strip bars. First of all, it's not about the naked women. I think I might have been the oldest guy in the place and I was talking to the women – not ogling. The younger guys were trying to find ways to rub against the girls. When they came to me they had a little difficulty because I asked them questions and talked to them – not part of their normal routine. I don't think the men usually ask the girls questions other than to have a one of the waitresses bring another one of those super cold beers, so when they have this old man asking them about their lives they get a little flustered. Granted, a lap dance is a difficult time to talk, so I found talking to them without them grinding into my lap was easier.
It turns out a lot of them had similar stories - not all, of course – some just liked what they were doing – but several had stories that were difficult to hear. The economy is putting them out of work and there are very few jobs to be had so they are working as strippers to pay the bills. There are very few jobs in the world that women can work in and make a lot of money with very little training. For most jobs there's a lot of college involved followed by training programs followed by years of working on a career. Stripping only requires that women look good with their clothes off. And are able to bring SUPER COLD BEERS to keep the patrons happy. There were women who were real estate agents, bankers, teachers, business women and even a professional pilot. They were amazing women in their own rights, but the bottom fell out of the economy and their lives tossed them into ‘necessity.’ It was an eye opening look at the harsher side of life. They all had heard the stories from NYC of the professional women of Wall Street forced into working the poles in the strip clubs up there… and all the ones I talked to here agreed it was an understandable eventuality.
As the night wore on I became a kind of 'good luck charm' to the dancers. As the girls walked past they patted me on my baldhead on their way to the next moron who wanted to rub up on their bodies.
So, what I learned was there's more to strip clubs than cold beers. There are also a lot of women trying to survive until they can get back to their lives. It’s easy for people to judge those women, but there’s more to them than a naked body.
And that's why old people should stay out of strip bars. We have a way of taking away some of the mystique of the clubs.
Trust me, go for the COLD BEERS.