One Nation, Under Stars...

The lights came up on a cheering crowd that moments before were singing along to one of the most well known songs of the last fifty years – “Midnight Train To Georgia.” It was a warm and humid summer night at the outdoor amphitheater in the heart of Atlanta. Flashes of lightning raced across the evening sky announcing to us that the surrounding severe storms were being held at bay just long enough for us to finish our celebration.
We were watching Gladys Knight close out her half of the night’s entertainment with great anticipation for Smokie Robinson to come later. As the lights came up on the audience cheering the performance the crowd suddenly struck me in a way that they had not in my previous visits to this same venue to watch other such stars filled performances reminiscent of my youth. There was a good representation of the Atlanta social strata – at least those with enough money to be in attendance for the one-night performance of two of the great legends of Motown Records who were giving us a great show.
But the show was not what struck me – it was the crowd. In a quick moment I saw a picture of us that spoke thousands of words…
There was no break in the cross section of people that we have been told exists. We were ALL there singing and cheering together. Our media and certain politicians continually pound on our differences and try to drive wedges between us as a cultural group. I realize it’s their own attempt to be able to relate to us and ‘cubbyhole’ our interests, but it occurred to me that they are missing the point. Their divisive hate-speech prism no longer fits us. America has moved on, grown and matured.
We all listened as one faceless crowd to these two great performers croon from across the decadess and we were there to admire them and reminisce with them. They told their stories of coming from nothing and becoming superstars… They embodied ‘The American Dream Realized.’ They were the soundtracks that made up our lives. At the same time, they were showing us that our lives were all intermingled into one shared culture. We all had our own individual memories of their songs and what they meant to us, but while they represented individuality they were representative of a shared experience for us ALL as well. Among the gray hairs and baldheads were flashes of the youth we all were forced to leave behind while at the same time there was a look at the long road we have traveled. We now are showing the signs of age, but there is a bond there between us all. We were of a time of change in America that brought us from the tumult of the 1950s to the unity of the 2000s. No… we’re not perfect yet – get real – but we’ve all grown closer together as a nation. Those of the ‘hate nation’ – from ANY side – are no longer tolerated by the general public; THEY are now the pariahs. Words of derision and anger are working their way out of our lexicons to be replaced by a feeling of a shared path. And, no, it’s not our leaders or Hollywood or the media who are taking us down that path, it is an awakening of our own spirit and a recognition of our own ‘oneness as a nation’ that is moving us along.
And in that moment of recognition with that crowd at an open-air amphitheatre in the heart of the Old South – I was proud of us all. We have come a long way and it was OUR generation that brought us along that road. TOGETHER we will go the rest of the way to putting ‘hate nation’ people in a museum so future generations can look on them and ask, “What the hell were they thinking?”

Losing The Rat Pack

Every once in awhile I come across a place that reminds me of 'days-gone-by' and they cause me to lament what we have lost as a society.
This time it was a restaurant and cigar bar hidden away just off a main street nestled neatly in the middle of the 1960s. I'd tell you where it is, but... NO. That would be like finding THE perfect deserted beach then telling everyone where it is. The next thing you know there'd be a resort planted on it with thousands of people trouncing MY sand and I'd have to go on a quest to find the new perfect deserted beach. And there just aren't that many of them left!! Well, this cigar bar and restaurant are the same way... there just aren't that many of them left… so, NO.
A good friend of mine deemed me WORTHY of sharing this secret Mecca and to whom I will be forever grateful. As soon as I walked in I saw men at the bar smoking quality cigars and I knew I was in the 'right place.' I had to pinch myself to see if I was still alive. Had I gotten run over by a bus on the way here and now I was dead?? This HAD to be Heaven. There were men smoking cigars in the bar!!! I thought there was nowhere left in the country where people could do THAT!!
My next reaction was to get in quick and lock the doors before the 'Smoking Gestapo' found out that we were smoking cigars in there!!! People smoking cigars in an enclosed area within a city limit!! What were we thinking?! What am I thinking? You can't even smoke in the great outdoors nowadays, why would I think we could smoke ANYWHERE and not have 'Brown Shirts' breaking down the doors? Yet, everyone inside seemed unexcited by a new entrant to their secret society and totally unconcerned that they’d be discovered, so it must happen all the time.
Once we got settled in and ordered a couple martinis – which turned out to be HUGE and GOOD compared to what you get at most bars – I was able to take it all in. The place looked like a throwback to 'Rat Pack' days. I LOVED it! I expected Dean, Frank, Sammy, Peter and Joey to come in the door any second, sidle up to the bar and start talking to the ‘broads.’ Perfection… And food to match. Low on foo-foo, high on steaks and lobster.
But as I looked around another ton of bricks landed on me. We’re losing these little ‘finds’ every damned day. Just a week earlier I was in a couple other restaurant-bars and the difference was… stark. First of all, cigars were absolutely FORBIDDEN even on the outside patio. They were glitzy, plastic and contrived – right down to the miniscule uniforms the girls wore. They were right out of some magazine – one of those ‘corporate cookie cutter’ magazines that shows us where we ‘should be’ dining as per some NYC office dweller. BS… I love the character that goes with the neighborhood place and the guys smoking cigars at the bar. It’s the REAL ‘authentic’ the other places are TRYING to capture and missing entirely.
Speaking of the ‘Rat Pack…’ brought to mind another thought. Las Vegas is a perfect example of what we’ve lost as Americana and the American Experience. The boys of the Rat Pack would barely recognize what’s there now. Back in THEIR day Vegas had character. It was grittier, bolder, wilder, more about gambling, drinking and sex and less about trying to be the Nevada Disneyland. Granted, there’s more money to be made from the ‘corporate’ angle, but look at what we’ve traded away.
We’re losing character in excahnge for our bottom lines – we’re trading away our souls to fill our pockets with gold. Is there such a thing as a happy medium? Can we save our character without destroying who we are?
Doubtful… Not any more…

Graduations in 2009

What has happened to high school graduations?? When I was a kid it was a quick ‘practice’ where they told us what was going to happen, then we showed up, listened to some really boring speeches, got our diplomas, threw our hats in the air and went home. Pretty standard stuff.
Today the picture has changed radically.
Before I get to that, let’s look at how we got here. It’s MY belief that we got to this ‘festival’ attitude about these graduations for the very same reason kids now go to their proms in groups. The old traditions were dying out. The world has changed in a lot of ways and there was nothing about these events to attract the kids any longer. They were no longer important in the ways they had been in decades gone by. In the ‘days of yore’ when two people went to the prom together that was nearly a commitment of marriage and graduating high school used to be a major life-altering event – and going on to college was a rarity. Suddenly kids were still kids when they graduated high school. Graduating college became the NEW high school graduation. In order to keep the kids going to these events the schools and parents had to come up with new ways to attract them. So they got creative.
Now we have seniors spending most of the month of May going through a series of events leading up to the ‘big day’ that isn’t over with the graduation itself. No, no, no!! There’s a big party afterward that resembles the party at the end of ‘Grease’ and a series of parties that follow the next day at the homes of the kids for the graduates. Of course, the parties the next day are more for the parents than the kids, but the ‘graduates’ get to show up and look like they’re having a good time – if only for a little while to make their parents happy.
So what we’re doing is bribing our kids to go through a rite of life they SHOULD be old enough to cherish on their own. All we’re demonstrating is that they’re not ready to be released on the world when WE’RE ready to release them.

Strippers and Old Guys

See, this is why old people should stay out of strip bars – whatever it takes.
Let me explain. Bear with me… uh, no pun intended.
Okay, guys, you can back me up on this!! First of all, it’s a known fact among men that all men go to strip bars because they keep the beer at a colder temperature than other bars – NOT to ogle women like myth would have you believe. That was a lie created by angry women who jumped to the wrong conclusion when they caught their men in there with a lot of naked women – got unnecessarily and UNFAIRLY jealous because they refused to listen to reason – and has been perpetuated by the media’s inability to set the story straight. Let’s just put that all to rest right now. They keep the beer colder as a community service so we can nurse them longer and drink less. They want to make sure men are more sober when they hit the roads after some time in their bars keeping us ALL safer. ALL bars should be so considerate!!!
Now that we have THAT straight, let’s get down to what I was doing there – not that I should have to explain it to anyone at this point in my life. I’m too old for that stuff.
It was a birthday party for a woman friend of mine. Honest. The party was SUPPOSED to be at her house, but the GIRLS decided it would be fun to go over to the strip bar not far from her house to have the party – because they knew the beers are colder and they would drink less while still being in a great party atmosphere. When I left home I thought I was going to the house, but I got a call when I was almost there and had to divert to the bar. Honest. And, of course, the first thing I did when I got inside the bar was ordered one of those SUPER COLD beers because I know how good they are. I almost got a ‘cold headache’ from it the beer was so cold. Any colder and you’d have to have a spoon to get it out of the bottle. Wonderful.
Now, for those of you who have never been to a strip bar, let me tell you how this one was set up. There were three stages with poles – duh! The girls all took their turns on the stages and when they weren’t on the stages they were down… talking to… the patrons. Darn nice of them to demonstrate how talented they are and then come down and talk to the patrons, too. Some of them should be on the Olympic Pole Dancing Team. And if it’s NOT a sport yet, it SHOULD be. That takes some talent… AND to be able to do it naked and with a lot of people watching deserves AT LEAST a gold medal. Well, SOME of the patrons were watching. You see… there are about a fifty women on the floor at any one time – and I’m talking about the ones who work there. There are also a lot who show up to party – like we were – or to have some of those super cold beers. Word is getting out. Before you know it the strip clubs are going to be overrun by women who want to party and drink the cold beers and men are going to have to start looking for new places to get cold beers.
Now here's why old people should stay out of strip bars. First of all, it's not about the naked women. I think I might have been the oldest guy in the place and I was talking to the women – not ogling. The younger guys were trying to find ways to rub against the girls. When they came to me they had a little difficulty because I asked them questions and talked to them – not part of their normal routine. I don't think the men usually ask the girls questions other than to have a one of the waitresses bring another one of those super cold beers, so when they have this old man asking them about their lives they get a little flustered. Granted, a lap dance is a difficult time to talk, so I found talking to them without them grinding into my lap was easier.
It turns out a lot of them had similar stories - not all, of course – some just liked what they were doing – but several had stories that were difficult to hear. The economy is putting them out of work and there are very few jobs to be had so they are working as strippers to pay the bills. There are very few jobs in the world that women can work in and make a lot of money with very little training. For most jobs there's a lot of college involved followed by training programs followed by years of working on a career. Stripping only requires that women look good with their clothes off. And are able to bring SUPER COLD BEERS to keep the patrons happy. There were women who were real estate agents, bankers, teachers, business women and even a professional pilot. They were amazing women in their own rights, but the bottom fell out of the economy and their lives tossed them into ‘necessity.’ It was an eye opening look at the harsher side of life. They all had heard the stories from NYC of the professional women of Wall Street forced into working the poles in the strip clubs up there… and all the ones I talked to here agreed it was an understandable eventuality.
As the night wore on I became a kind of 'good luck charm' to the dancers. As the girls walked past they patted me on my baldhead on their way to the next moron who wanted to rub up on their bodies.
So, what I learned was there's more to strip clubs than cold beers. There are also a lot of women trying to survive until they can get back to their lives. It’s easy for people to judge those women, but there’s more to them than a naked body.
And that's why old people should stay out of strip bars. We have a way of taking away some of the mystique of the clubs.
Trust me, go for the COLD BEERS.

Canceling Playboy

My kids have entirely ruined ‘Playboy” magazine for me.
One of the breakout moments of my life was when I started getting ‘Playboy’ sent to the house when I was a teenager. Wow! How cool!! Mom HATED it and Dad told me to read them in my room, but it was COOL! Granted, the women were OLDER than me at that point, but woohoo, I was the only kid on the block – probably in the city - getting the ‘Playboy’ delivered to the house. Of course, I was getting it for the articles (wink, wink) like every other red-blooded American guy does, but the women were a GREAT distraction between articles.
Well, the years have gone by and I had to cancel my subscription to ‘Playboy.’ I HAD to give it up… WHEN did Hef start hiring BABIES to be the foldouts?? OH MY GOD!! Granted, the women I looked at when I was a kid and thought they were SOOO hot are now grandmothers in their 60s, but what happened?? Now I see the women in the magazine and I feel like I should be looking over my shoulder for one of those camera crews to come arrest me for looking at KIDS!!!
I blame it ENTIRELY on MY kids. They are now older than the models in the magazine and that makes me feel like I need a shower! When my kids and their friends ran around in skimpy clothes I sent them off to put on more clothes. I think that’s when I knew it was time for ‘Playboy’ to go. When I was THEIR age – my kids and their friends – I was looking for the girls to take it off!! Now time has passed me by and I’m telling the kids to go put clothes ON!! Sorry, Hef… You know I love you, but… you need to start a magazine with WOMEN in it, not kids. Forty and up ONLY!!! There’s a market for it out here. As a large percentage of the population moves into our… second half… we need to have REAL women to look at that are not going to get us arrested! Or make us FEEL like we’re going to be arrested. So, another of the icons of my youth has fallen by the wayside. What is the world coming to???